Knitting on the Great Wall of China

I can confirm that Katie Melua is right and there indeed 9 million bicycles in Beijing. I think every single one of them was trying to end my life. You think you’ve spotted a gap, and set about trying to cross the 8 lanes of traffic, when you look to your left and see a stream of bicycles of all shapes and sizes heading in your direction faster than any car, with no regard for any pedestrians in their path. And that’s at a pedestrian crossing. But when there is such a congestion problem that it’s quicker to walk anywhere in the city than drive, I can understand why everyone has taken to riding a bike. The most comical ones looked like they were half moped and half bike, with a motor AND pedals. Why??

We were in China with the Henri Oguike Dance Company, giving 4 performances of a choreographed version of Shostakovich’s 9th Quartet. Part funded by the British Council, and in part by Milky Way Productions (I was most disappointed to find this was nothing to do with chocolate), we were put up in very nice hotels, first in Hangzhou, then Beijing.

The spitting was the first thing we noticed after arriving – we were waiting in the hotel foyer when I exclaimed with horror, ‘did that man just SPIT before getting into the lift??! What’s going on?’ I feel let down – this should be one of the things they teach you in school! That everyone spits in China – all the time. Even the toddlers. It strikes me as one of the vital things you should know about the world, shortly after your 12x table and definitely before algebra or the name of Henry viii’s 3rd wife.
When walking along, you spend the whole time dodging the puddles of phlegm, and leaping out of the way as soon as you hear the first signs that someone is about to spit. It’s not just a dainty spit. It’s real hacking up from the depths. I’m totally surprised that anyone on China has any internal organs left in there.
It even happened during our performances, filling up all the quiet bits in the Shostakovich, and there was an incident just before curtain up. One of the Chinese stage hands had been sweeping the stage. Once finished, he confirmed his satisfaction that he’d done a great job by spitting on it! Luckily someone spotted that this might be a slipping hazard to the dancers and quickly cleared it up.

I didn’t believe it when someone told me that all Chinese children have slits in their trousers to save time taking them to the loo. But then I saw it with my eyes; a young child being held over the kerb in the middle of a busy shopping street! So glad I didn’t put one on my knee…

The shopping was great – especially the pearl market. Pearls upstairs and electronics downstairs – fake Ipods everywhere. Had to make an early exit when I saw a goldfish being kept in the humidifier machine – made me feel slightly queezy.
Was extremely pleased with a coat I purchased; such an unusual style! I then realized when walking down the street, that it was the exact same style as the policemen wear in China!!
Asking for directions is pretty much hopeless. No-one seems to like to say ‘no’, or admit that they don’t know where the place is you need to go. Or, indeed, where you are on the map at the present moment. Although people were eagerly offering their assistance, we were continually sent in the opposite direction to where we needed to go. The system of road signs didn’t seem to make any sense either (even the English translations), and it took Jenny and I three hours to find our hotel one night.

The food was a bit of a shock to the system. We went straight out to a Chinese restaurant on our first night in Hangzhou, only to find the duck was served with its beak still attached and with a side plate of cow’s tongue sliced into pieces. And our main course was still swimming happily around the tank in the corner. Any appetite I had left was quickly lost when the table of business men next to us got up to leave; but not before spitting on the restaurant floor. MacDonald’s did very good business later that night. I found a ‘greasy spoon’ equivalent one day, along a side street, but outside were washing up bowls full of fish, and even a bullfrog chained in a bucket. You were supposed to select what you wished to be fried before entering. Gross.

What with the lack of hygiene, and people coughing in your face, without feeling the need to put their hands over their mouths, I was very glad we’d got all vaccinations before we went. Although the poor Irish nurse at the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead didn’t know what had hit her, when Jenny, Bryony and myself arrived in her room with a cello and 2 violins. I felt faint before even setting eyes on a needle, Bryony (usually fine with all things gory) had her injection then immediately wanted to be sick, and Jenny only got through it because I told her to try and remember a song from the Sound of Music to distract her. We came out to find a full waiting room that had just been treated to a nervous rendition of ‘Do, Re, Mi’!

We, of course, did a Pavao Quartet trip to the Great Wall of China. Jenny even left one of our quartet cards in a hole in the Wall! It was freezing up there, and although I had my knitting in my bag, couldn’t knit fast enough to keep us all warm! As soon as you took your hand out of a glove to take a picture, it went numb with cold and you ran the risk of dropping the camera over the edge of the Wall. The views were spectacular, but are attempts to take a nice photo of the 4 of us up there were ruined by my hair blowing across my face, and everybody else’s. It looks like Tina Turner was making a guest appearance with the Pavao that day! Men and women kept asking if we would pose in a photo with them. Why on earth they’d want a picture of a random person they don’t know on their mantelpiece is beyond me. The women kept saying ‘You beautiful! You beautiful!’. Natalia at one point got video footage of me trying to get down some stairs and being stopped by 10 Chinese men to pose with them in a photo!

Having not anticipated the number, and uneven-ness of steps that the Great Wall involved, I went for a Chinese massage as soon as we got back to the hotel. Although, I’m not sure that it didn’t make my aches and pains worse.

Natalia and I visited the preserved body of Chairman Mao. Having left our bags with random man, who might well have had nothing to do with the left luggage office, but was more than insistant that we should leave him our bags, we were herded in a line along with hundreds of Chinese people all clutching yellow flowers to lay by his body. We were led across a large courtyard in solemn silence, Natalia and I both had the feeling that this was a bit like being led into Auschwitz. I was half expecting them to ask us to leave our shoes at the door of the Mausoleum. I was so excited once we’d been herded past the body that I immediately rang my Dad to inform him of what we’d just done, forgetting that it was 4 in the morning for him! Mao was so short – I don’t know how he managed to kill 60 million people.


So, all in all, although we thoroughly enjoyed our Quartet trip to China, I have to say that even a simple walk along the road in their capital city was nothing if not eventful. If you weren’t dodging the spit from passers-by (not specifically aimed at us I hasten to add), dodging the excrement from young children, trying not to breathe in the pollution too deeply, nursing the bruises from market traders who grab your arms and don’t let go till you buy something, crossing 8 lanes of traffic in the path of 9 million bicycles, you were trying to avoid being grabbed to appear in photograph with 3 Chinese men you’ve never met before nor will again.

The plane journey was made bearable by my knitting a pair of socks. If security had confiscated my knitting needles, I was fully prepared to knit with a pair of chopsticks instead. As it was, I didn’t have sewing needle for the seam, and had to sew the sock together using the back of Bryony’s earring!!



We must have been jet lagged, when we returned, because we managed to get on the wrong train going to a quartet recital a few days later. Well, how were we to know that there were TWO trains leaving from the same platform at London Bridge at the same time???? To our horror, we realized that the train we were on didn’t stop for 45 minutes – in Maidstone! Luckily, the lovely lady checking our tickets rang the driver, and they stopped the train for us at a station in south London a few minutes later, and we made our way back to London from there. Phew!

I played with Noel Gallagher a few days ago – to 20,000 people at the MEN arena in Manchester. He had a jean-clad 8-piece all-female string group behind him. The atmosphere when he did an acoustic version of Don’t Look Back in Anger, was unforgettable! We’d been given electric blue eye make-up and nails, and even some body-art!

Two days later found me in Lyon, with my friend Alison. We went out there to do a competition, but it was a really great holiday. We hired bikes and cycled to the conservatoire with my violin on my back! In between rehearsals and watching the rest of the competition, we sat outside restaurants and cafes, consuming more cheese, wine and crepes than is healthy, and either knitting or reading Jane Austen – we couldn’t have looked more English if we’d tried!

Now off on a family holiday to Cornwall. Happy Easter!